"If you repeat a word often enough,
it loses substance,
falls apart, with meaning leaking out the side,
like an ice-cream cake run over in traffic."
To the 23-year-old me, this makes as much sense
as it did to the 7-year-old me
repeating "Vallari" for the nth time
and wondering if I had just said it right.
"If you repeat a word often enough,
it loses substance."
So I held on to my name
dreaded sharing it at every party game.
I could feel the special-ness leaving
Feel the icky sap drip down my spine
every time someone said, "You're not how I thought you'd be"
the ice-cake was melting.
"If you repeat a word often enough,
it loses substance."
So I rationed my name,
threw it in a cold-storage, away from people.
Only allowed little bites, for taste.
But it was never enough.
"Pallavi?" No. "Vallavi?" No. "Valarie?" No!
Another bite? No.
"If you repeat a word often enough,
it loses substance."
So I stopped altogether.
"Valari?" Yep, that's right, I am whatever you want me to be.
They say my name means vines.
Plants set so blindly on growth
they depend on others for support
and creep and blossom and evolve unrestrained.
"If you repeat a word often enough,
it loses substance."
So I let it,
allowed the tendril to dribble, hunt, grow.
Until finally, it found sturdy pillars and trunks,
to twine, climb, thorn and hook to permanently.
One good thing about 'Vallaris' though,
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